Part 2 - Placement Day

10am. That was the time we were to be at Adoption Star to sign all the placement papers. We had to leave at 8:30 to get there in time. But 1st my parents had to get to our house so they could watch AJ. And they were late. They didn't know how important today was and how we needed to leave by 8:30. Again, they thought we were spending a casual, fun day with friends. When they finally arrived at about 8:45, I was - you can say - STRESSED. But we made it there in time. In fact we were early and Missy wasn't even finished printing off all of the paperwork yet.

Walking into the agency was interesting. We were excited of course, but nervous - VERY nervous. And I said to Jay that I hate that we have to read Missy's face to know if we are good or not. So as we walked in I stared at Missy until I saw a big smile come across her face. PHEW! Things are still good. We'd be meeting our baby today!

Jay and I waited in the Director's office while Missy finished up the paperwork. Thank God for that mini-slinky and stress balls. They came in handy keeping our hands busy at least.

The paperwork this time around was a breeze. No new information, no surprises, just what seemed like a million lines to sign and initial. But before we knew it, we were done. Still, I couldn't help but wonder - was "A" done with her paperwork yet? Did she sign the surrender papers? Were we still good?

Now it was time to head over to the hospital. First, we were to meet "A" and her family. Then we would meet Andrew.

Jay and I arrived at the hospital and waited for what seemed like forever in the lobby. Where was Missy? Had something gone wrong? Did "A" change her mind? Jay and I took turns staring At the 2 different points of entry. Finally Missy arrived.....looking upset. OH NO! Something happened. NOOOOO!

When Missy approached us, I quickly asked what's wrong?! She proceeded to tell us about her car having issues. Was that it?! She then realized that we were thinking that something happened with "A". She quickly reassured us that all was well, just taking a little longer than we planned. PHEW!

We were suppose to meet with "A" at 11am. Finally, at about 12 pm we saw a young girl accompanied by 3 women, a man and Adoption Star's birthparent advocate. "A" was crying and looking down at the ground. The 2 woman right next to her looked somber but suppportive. I immediately approached A and hugged her. Then Jay and I took turns meeting and hugging her mom, her grandmom and her mom's boyfriend. This is when her grandmom thanked us - the first of several thank you's we heard from her family that day.

We all sat down in the lobby and it was quiet. What to say?! So me being me, I started talking. How are you feeling? Do you want to ask us anything? Is there anything you'd like us to know? And so on. It was a bit awkward, but why wouldn't it be? Sitting in this lobby was one family grieving, and another family waiting to celebrate - both so wanting - no needing - the others to like us. I gave "A" the presents we got her and we got to know each other a bit more. We learned that "A" really loves to draw/paint, and that she is really into CSI-type shows. We told them a bit more about ourselves and AJ. Then it was time. Time to go meet Andrew.

"A" still had not seen him. She was very obviously protecting her heart. And she wasn't sure she would change her mind about seeing him. I could tell that "A" was struggling with this decision, and I felt really strongly that it was in everyone's best interest if she did see Andrew. I talked to her about possible regret if she chose not to see him. And then I made a suggestion - I suggested that "A"'s mom take a picture of Andrew and then come back out to show "A". That way, she could see him on the camera and then decide from there. She really liked that idea. First, we took some pictures of us with "A" and "A" with her family (FYI: In order to respect her privacy, we will not be posting any pictures of "A" or the birthfamily w/o their permission). Then, Jay and I followed "A"'s mom and grandmom to the nursery. We got a bit lost but finally the nurses escorted us over to Andrew - the only baby we even noticed even though others were around! THERE HE WAS - our son!

I so wanted to touch him and hold him and kiss him. But the nurses were alittle reserved at this point. They offered to bring us all in a private room. In the meantime, me and "A"'s mom took some pictures of Andrew. Then my most clear memory followed. "A"'s mom and grandmom left us alone in the room with Andrew while they went to show "A" the pictures. In the lobby earlier when we were anxiously wating for everyone else to arrive, Jay and I started to talk about AJ and how much we lov him and I got very emotional. Could we - would we - love another baby as much? All of a sudden that felt impossible. But in this moment as I looked at our newest son the umimaginable came true and I said to Jay "BOOM my heart just grew!". I was in love! Totally and completely! I got teary as I caressed Andrew's head and Jay and I stared at him. Then the nurse came in and said that "A" wanted to see him. So we left to give her some time alone.

The next several minutes were difficult. All I was thinking was that she would see him and instantly change her mind. And it would have been my doing, since I was the one to convince her to see him. But, still I knew in my heart that her seeing him was best for him and her....and ultimately for our family. When the nurse approached us and said that "A" wanted to get a picture of us with Andrew, we were over the moon happy and relieved!

This is when I held Andrew for the first time. With lots of eyes on us, I still managed to relax with him in my arms. Flashes were going off and I remember feeling so relieved that not only were we getting pictures of this moment, but that "A" wanted them as well. We even got pictures with "A" and us. I can't wait to frame one for Andrew's room!

Then the question became, did "A" want to hold him. She was so nervous but decided she did want to. She allowed us to take pictures and after about a minute she handed him back to us. But the look of pride that came over her face as she proved to herself that she could do this, was breath taking. Her entire demeanor changed and we saw real smiles across her face. We were so proud of her and so grateful that we played a part in this moment.

We all walked out into the hallway to say our goodbyes. We exchanged emails and "A" asked that we send her the pictures from the hospital that night. Then she pled with her family to get some pizza :-) We all hugged again and then we returned to the nursery to handle the discharge logistics and breath a HUGE sigh of relief. We changed Andrew into his going home outfit and I remember holding him snuggled into my shoulder and saying "This is where you belong!". Then, Jay held him for the first time.

The rest of the time in the hospital is kinda a blur. I was in awe of this baby and of his birthfamily and of all the tender, personal moments shared so openly between the two families. And now I was feeling a bit overwhelmed and I just wanted to get in the car and be alone with Jay and our new son.

Jay went and got the car while I was wheeled out of the hospital....an experience I never thought I'd get as a new Mommy. It was awesome!

And then we headed home......

Part 3 - Welcome Home - will be coming soon :-)